You may wonder why I would be writing about the topic of rejection on a blog devoted to helping people build and grow an online business. The answer is that I believe this topic is directly related to the success you can achieve in your business and in every area of your life.
Even if you think of yourself as shy, introverted, or sensitive, you can overcome any feelings you have about not being good enough to build a profitable online business. The goal is to take small steps each day that will bring you closer to that feeling of confidence about what you are doing.
I had always wanted to write, but early on was told that my writing was not any good. For years I carried the feeling of not being good enough in an area I cared about deeply. When I came online it was obvious to me that writing was going to be key in my business. By writing short articles and having them published by the article directories, I soon became confident in my ability to write well enough to run a successful business, so that fear of rejection disappeared. I’ve just finished my first book, so I’m glad I overcame this fear when I did.
When it came to public speaking I was also afraid of rejection. I couldn’t imagine anyone wanting to listen to what I had to say. By making an effort to speak in front of an audience as often as possible, I was able to overcome this fear and now look forward to speaking to groups around the country.
This does not happen overnight. If you have a fear of rejection in one area, it most likely carries over into other areas of your life. But it you face those fears head on, taking small steps to build your confidence day by day, your entire life will change. Celebrate the small victories (I always tell myself what a great job I did when I write another article or blog post, or when I give a presentation to a group) and set some goals for what you want to achieve. You are good enough to do whatever you want to do, in your business and in every area of your life.
Connie, you are absolutely right about facing your fears to overcome them. Because poker mirrors life, it translates a little differently, but the dynamics are virtually the same. Here’s what I see with people who are struggling with their game and just not getting ahead:
First, they don’t take the bold action, that next step, because of fear.
Second, they don’t take the action because they feel they are unworthy.
Donna “the Poker Coach”
Great post Connie! Fear is a stumbling block for so many people. In fact, I recently wrote a blogpost about it myself.
Connie – thanks for showing us that you too faced fear in the beginning. I still struggle with the follow-up calls that I need to make in my business. Even when someone has expressed interest, I hestitate to call them. However, once I make the first call, the second is easier and next thing I know I am rolling along. We must take that first small step and the rest will follow.
Connie,
What a great subject – one that can help so many people! I remember probably 35 years ago, I heard a man give a sermon at our little church we attended in Charlotte, NC. The sermon title was “FOP and FOF” – “Fear of People” and “Fear of Failure.” He told about experiences in his own life. We took him home to dinner and my husband did some photography for him for a book he was writing (we had a small studio in the basement). Imagine my surprise many years later when I learned this man had become a Congressman from Arizona. Then, I found that he served in advisory positions to Pres. Reagan and both Presidents Bush; he is now known as the Presidential Historian and is a NY Times Bestselling Author. His name is Doug Wead. I think I still have those notes about overcoming fear, and I can say it influences me still today. You are onto something big here, Connie. I’ll not be surprised if you get a lot of response (unless people are too fearful to deal with it! LOL)
Your Grateful Student,
Jeanne
I struggle with fear of rejection everyday. I have a blog and I can’t even make myself write the first post. I would love more help with this.
So true, Connie. For me, it’s not fear of writing, but fear of not being enough of an EXPERTeven though I know LOTS about my niche.
But what happens is, I hear OTHER people marketing things I already know (exercise and nutrition info) and say, “What’s the big deal? I knew that!” I forget that there are MANY people out there who don’t have the knowledge and experience I have and who don’t know these things.
It ended up getting to me THAT so many guys and gals are making a nice living disseminating stuff I’ve known for years! That’s spurs me to “get a move on.”
Thanks to all of you for your comments. This is bigger than I thought.
We must learn to deal with rejection and turn it into something positive
in our lives, as quickly as possible.
I will definitely hold a teleseminar on this topic and share what I have
learned during the past few years about this.
Connie
Thanks Connie for talking about this subject. Although I’ve been a VA for three years, I still have that fear of just picking up the phone to call someone or speaking in front of a group. It helps knowing I’m not the only one!
Connie,
Thanks. This is probably going to be a huge issue. I look forward to your call. The thing is, if we continue to grow ourselves and our businesses, there will constantly be the next bar to get over. There’s seldom a “Resting on your laurels” moment. Most often, we perceive that what we accomplished in the past (or in another context, etc) doesn’t “count,” and we still face the same unworthiness issues, just at the next higher jump.
What I’ve noticed from the blogging challenge is that there are remarkable people — caring, wise, insightful, overflowing with knowledge of the most amazing variety. But the currents of “not good enough” seem to dog us all. There are plentiful gifts that each person has to offer, in fact, is called to offer to the people who can only hear it from them. And yet, so often the voices of doubt are like megaphones in our minds. Baby steps are indeed so important. Thank you for all your role modeling and leadership.
Warmly,
Bobbye Middendorf
The Write Synergies Guru
Very timely post Connie.
I was interviewed by Terrie Wurzbacher this morning. I was very nervous about the interview – worried that I might say something dumb or just “freeze” and not think of anything to say. But, I committed to the interview and went forward.
Terrie was fantastic – a great interviewer. Our 30 minute interview went for about 45 minutes – so I guess I had more to say than I expected! As I think back over the interview, I came up with some new ideas thanks to Terrie’s questions. So, I now have an audio recording to offer as a bonus item AND several new things to blog about!
I’m so glad I faced that fear. Now, I’m going to schedule a teleseminar!
Thanks again Terrie!
Hi, Connie – When I was an actor, I had a huge fear of rejection. It carried over to my writing. What I have discovered, however, is that, the more I write, the more I have to focus on, so the less important each piece is, therefore the less I fear rejection of any one piece.
It is something that must be dealt with on any level, but the good news is that it can be.
I looked but didn’t see my name- as the others thought – this is a fantastic subject even though fear is not that fantastic. I will tell you that that is what has held me back completely. So, I can’t wait until you have a teleseminar on this.
Thanks for bringing it up
Terrie
Thanks Connie!
Thanks for the reminder that no matter how far one has come, there is always more, and it’s okay to have things to work on or through.
I’ll be happy to hear more on this topic and about how you have overcome your fears.
F – False
E – Enemies
A – Appearing
R – Real
How easy it is to forget, seems fear pokes it’s ugly head up just often enough that we have to identify and confront it time after time until we no longer give it power over us.
Great post Connie. I think we all have self-doubts. It has been my experience that after you over come a self-doubt, it seemed a little silly that I built it into something that immobilized me from accomplishing something I wanted too. Over coming these self-doubts is a skill we should all work on. I know this is true for me.
Connie, add me to the list of raves for your words on this topic – and I’ll be looking forward to your teleseminar. Thank you!
Lay it on us, Connie – we’ll be all ears!
One part of your post really resonated with me – just start taking baby steps. You can’t eat an entire elephant (not that anyone would, but I’m just saying) at one sitting or climb Mt. Everest in a day!
For me, OVERWHELM creates the fear. It’s debilitating and stops me in my tracks.
Teleseminar tomorrow, right? Ha! Wonderful topic and I now see it’s more universal than I had thought from my own narrow little perspective. It’s good to get out into the world and interact with others, eh? Thank you so much for this blog30 challenge. You’re really shaking us up–in all kinds of good ways.
However we present ourselves to the world, we all fear rejection, because we all want to be accepted. You have touched on a subject we can all relate to. Thank you for sharing your journey with us and I love your advice about baby steps and reinforcement. The more we dare to push ourselves out of our comfort zone the bigger our comfort zone becomes. You can help us all move forward with this because we trust you to support us.
much love
Heather x
Hello Connie. With me it’s more perfectionism than fear, I think they are close friends. Whenever I write something, I often do more editing than necessary, since it’s never just right. This also makes the idea of writing an ebook or short report balloon into a gigantic undertaking, when it’s really not. Always enjoy your wise advice.
I can totally relate to this, like so many people here. But here’s the thing, if we saw ourselves as most people see us, we would probably think, wow, that person really has it together. I look at all these websites that people have and am amazed and wonder “why they aren’t well known and why are they bothering with this blog 30 thing. Obviously they’ve ALREADY got it going on.” so that’s the thing. we all need to recognize the greatness that is in us.
Such a good topic, Connie! Fear of rejection held me back for many years. I wanted to just fade into the background so I would not be noticed and then could not be rejected because no one knew I was there.
One day I decided to start speaking up. Funny thing, then I discovered that people actually listened and after that….they started to include me in their circle of friends. That was such a good feeling. I can tell you that if I had continued to try to fade into the background, I would still be in the background and missing out on lots of fun.
So, step out from the shadows, give being your real self a chance and “go for the gold”!
I would tend to believe that there are far more who do have fears than who actually admits to it being the case. I was in business a number of years ago and had not done tax paperwork timely. Because of the fear of what came to be an unknown, I delayed and delayed in taking care of business as I should have. But when I actually did the paperwork, I found immediate relief and felt free of fear. This demon needs to be exposed.
Thanks for the post.
Hiram
Fear affects many of us in small ways or affect us profoundly so that it can actually paralyze any progress we may make in any endeavor. Several years ago a very smart woman helped me to recognize that F.E.A.R – False Evidence Appearing Real can be overcome or at least be controlled if you recognize that the reality is usually not as bad as we imagine it to be. I still have fears but usually try to face them and view them objectively. Does it always work? No, but I keep working at it.
This would be a great topic for a Teleseminar, Connie, because learning how you overcame your fears can pave the road for others of us to copy.
Connie
You hit the nail, squarely on it’s head. Like you, I had some many humiliating experiences in school that have stopped me cold, much of my life. You are right about the baby steps. It is funny, even when you have done a lot of healing in this area, sometimes something comes up that bites you. That old feeling can come back. I think that this would be a great topic! We need to be wittness for each other. Together, we can overcome the fear. Thanks.
Well said Connie! I think everyone of us do go through these kinds of fear but persistence can really pull up to the level we want to reach. Thank you for the treat I just got to read.
I really liked your statement – “Celebrate the small victories”, I think this is one of the most key factors of online success!!
Connie, I agree. The fear of rejection has stopped me from really jumping into my internet business. I always thought it was a fear of failure but it really is rejection that is creating the fear, with failure being the byproduct of the rejection. and you are right. The only way to overcome it is to do a little bit day after day. I also like to make a list of the things I need to do. And just go through the list religiously. If I keep it all in my head I tend to make things seem bigger and more difficult than they need to be.
Connie,
Excellent subject to hold a teleseminar on. I believe all of us struggle with this fear to some degree and your information will help. Can’t wait to schedule the time to listen in. Thanks.
Hi Connie, Good article! You touched a lot of nerves and gave a lot of folks encouragement.
We tend to be our own worst critics, especially those of us who are most competent. We also don’t realize that other people are rooting for us; they are happy that we are able to write and give good information. They wish they could do the same. – Kathryn
Hi Connie!
Wow! I thought I was the only one! I had this fear that I may write something not quite right because I’m not an expert. Your blog challenge inspired me to ” just do it!” Thanks fr your help.
All the best!
Ros
Wow, Connie! You have touched on a great topic here. I know that I have several fears (and their cousins that masquerade as worries, doubts, concerns, and uncertainties) that I allow to slow me down or even stop me in my tracks. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately and exploring what the solutions might be. I look forward to hearing more about your thoughts and experience when you offer the teleseminar about it!
Thanks so much,
Leslie
The biggest fear trap for me is telling myself that everything in my topic that is worth reading has already been written or said. After all, look at all the printed material and now the Internet. How’s that for F.E.A.R. (False Evidence Appearing Real)? One of my favorite books on the topic that I recommend a lot is Face the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers. Great topic, Connie.
I would have to agree with Janet. My topics I feel like have already been written and what else do I have to offer. Sometimes I also feel like I don’t know as much as I should so why would anyone want to listen to me? Over coming fear is the hardest thing to do but its the most necessary in this type of business. Thank you for your article as it does help to know that people go through the same things that I do.